You Will Be Mine
by freakystyleyy
Summary: Carlisle is a well respected doctor in the town of Forks, and when his wife Esme is killed leaving him widowed, he has a decision to make. With two desperate women throwing themselves at him, will Carlisle pick who is best for him? Carlisle/Bella/Victoria
1. Chapter 1: No Avail for Allure

**You Will Be Mine**

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_**A/N:**__ Hello! This is my first fan fiction in around four years, so I'm afraid I might be a little rusty. _

_So please forgive me and enjoy! I came up with this idea whilst listening to "This Velvet Glove" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers, which to me is basically about unrequited love which one of the themes that will run through this story. Please read and review!_

_This story is rated M for a reason, I have a couple of lemons planned and some violence will be depicted throughout._

_**Disclaimer: **__The Twilight Saga totally belongs to Stephenie Meyer, however, the plot is all mine!_

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**Chapter One: No Avail for Allure**

I loved my wife. She was the most beautiful woman alive. Her presence alone was enough to brighten up a room, and when you took a closer look and noticed her pale blue eyes and her almost sultry smile resistance was almost futile. Her endless list of qualities and skills were overwhelming and she was not only a wonderful wife, but also an accomplished teacher. Her classes of children adored her nearly as much as I did.

So you could imagine my surprise when the gorgeous creature snaked elegantly over to me one icy December morning and asked me the most senseless question I had ever heard grace her juicy lips.

"Carlisle?" she said as she tapped me on the shoulder awkwardly.

"What my dear?" I turned as I replied to stare into the deep pools of her eyes.

"Well..." she trailed off as she caught the intensity of my gaze and turned her head. "Do you, well, love me?"

I was utterly stunned at her bluntness; at first I was perplexed as to why she would ask such a thing. But then it hit me, I had been spending an inexcusable amount of time at the hospital recently and my poor wife was feeling particularly neglected.

"Honey, you know I love you," I dropped my eyes from her face and trailed them down towards her perfect frame and sighed. "I love every part of you. I love your incomparable beauty," I kissed her upon the forehead and curved my lips into a smile, "I love the soft skin that covers your neck," descending towards her neck I sucked gently at her supple skin and she gasped in arousal. "I love your perky little tits," I then undone the straining buttons on her shirt, removed her lace covered bra and took a nipple in my mouth, gently suckling provoking small moans from my wife's lips."Do you know what I love the most Esme?" I breathed.

"Um." She hesitated, and then shivered slightly when I cupped my hand upon her covered mound. I realised quickly that she was in no mood to respond coherently.

"I love the feel of your tight moist pussy." I concluded.

As the last word left my lips, I tugged off the remainder of my wife's clothing and plunged two fingers deep within her.

"Carlisle... you have to go to work, not now! Oh Carlisle!" she moaned.

I simply ignored her as I concentrated purely upon my one desire. The desire to pleasure my wife in as many ways as I possibly could. I felt her climax as she tensed around my fingers and collapse into my free arm. Seeing Esme completely under my power and influence made me want to drop all my mundane plans for the day and run away with her in my arms. Unfortunately, these thoughts were quickly banished as she leaped delicately out of my arms, patted my butt and gestured encouragingly towards the door with a nod of her head. She was amazing, my hectic schedule is nearly unendurable for her yet she still supports my work as loyally as ever. Was there anything this woman wouldn't do to please me?

I spent the car journey reminiscing my time with Esme. My thoughts flashed back to our first meeting as I treated her broken leg our eyes met for longer than generally acceptable, our first kiss full of passion, her flawless face and beaming smile as she approached me slowly on our wedding day, her tangled hair sprawled across the bed on our honeymoon, her as she cried and screamed giving birth to our children – she was even breathtakingly beautiful then, and her just moments ago moaning my name as she came on my fingers. The train that was my thoughts halted abruptly as I pulled into the familiarity of the hospital car park.

"Hello Carlisle," said the new nurse with wavy dark hair a little too sweetly, "I have a Victoria Sutherland in your office for a consultation."

Victoria. The truth is I shouldn't have been shocked about her third appearance that week, this was regularity for her and the hospital must have been a second home in her eyes. I grimaced slightly at the thought of her eyes, the eyes that always looked at me with desire that could have been compared to almost animalistic. She wasn't subtle about her intentions for visiting the hospital so often; it would have been flattering except I didn't care much for hypochondriacs especially when I could be treating people who were actually ill. I remembered our last meeting vividly. She sat suggestively on my office desk with her slender fingers encompassed by her wild red hair, if she wasn't so desperate she may have been slightly appealing.

"_Carlisle, I'm having sharp pains in my lower abdomen, it is becoming quite unbearable now." She whispered and tossed her hair back meekly._

_Sucking the breath between my teeth and fixing my eyes upon her exposed stomach, I winced. _

"_Victoria, I understand that you are in pain, but please try to address me in the appropriate manner."_

"_I see, Dr Cullen." She bit her lip as the words escaped hers. _

I returned eagerly back to reality as the memory shook me slightly. I was greeted with the perplexed expression on the face of the new nurse.

"Of course..."

"Katy."

"Katy, charmed." I said benevolently as she blushed.

When I reached the door of my office, I paused. No doubt the outcome of this 'appointment' would be the same as the others. I pushed the door aside and there she was. Sitting in my office chair with her long legs crossed and propped upon the desk. She smiled wildly as she registered my presence.

"Victoria, to what do I owe this pleasure?" I didn't move.

"Oh the pleasure is all mine Dr Cullen," she gazed about the room her wide eyes lingering longer on the large shaggy rug in the middle of the floor and then resting on my face. "Except, I do have a slight problem," She sighed melodramatically, lowered her legs and stood up placing herself on my level of sight. "I went to see a physiatrist yesterday and he said that the pain my body is experiencing is my way of reacting towards loneliness and depression."

"We both know that the science of the mind is not always based on the most concrete of theories." I retorted a little drier than I originally intended.

She waved her hand loosely as if interrupting a sentence I hadn't even started yet, "But he is correct Carlisle, I _am_ lonely." she stepped closer towards me cutting the distance between us almost in half, "_So_ lonely."

"Victoria, you are my patient." _And I'm married, and you are psycho and wonderfully unappealing._

"Not all this crap again!" she screamed and kicked the smooth oak desk behind her. As the hard surface of my desk met the sharp undersides of her heels a loud thud was produced. My eyes widened then narrowed. I had become used to Victoria's little outbursts by now. A meeting with Victoria without a childish tantrum was like going to restaurant to find out they only served wine. That day however, was not the day to be barking up my fidelity tree, so I cut her short.

"Please leave if we are going to continue with this pointless conversation." She looked absolutely exasperated; I held back a laugh and propped the door open for her. The air she moved when she stormed past brushed lightly on my face and her scent was almost smothering. I followed her out of my office and resumed with the rest of my day normally, my thoughts returning and remaining on Esme. My perfect wife.

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_**A/N: **_ What did you think? Too short/long? Please give me some feedback so I can improve! Thanks :D I have more chapters planned and will continue to post if things go well.


	2. Chapter 2: Stone Cold

**You Will Be Mine**

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_**A/N:**__ Thanks to the people who were kind enough to add this story to their favourites and alerts, no reviews as of yet, you guys are holding out on me! Please read and review! I should mention that I listened to a lot of Coldplay and Evanescence whilst writing this, figures, you'll get it._

_This story is rated M for a reason, I have a couple of lemons planned and some violence will be depicted throughout._

_**Disclaimer: **__The Twilight Saga totally belongs to Stephenie Meyer, however, the plot is all mine!_

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**Chapter Two: Stone Cold **

Whenever I returned home from work after seeing Victoria, I frequently pondered about informing Esme of her vindictive manner. I see now that I needed to vent, and as understanding as Esme would have been; I was scared. Not scared of her reaction, but scared that I would be forced to face reality. The reality was that I found Victoria's infatuation with myself rather endearing. The only way I can possibly justify the motives behind these sensations are that I was ill. Mentally ill. But these justifications are feeble. I tended to soothe my malicious thoughts of self absorption by reassuring myself of the unconditional affection I bestowed upon Esme. Every time her name granted its appearance within my mind I smiled subconsciously at thought of her waiting patiently for my return.

However that evening, as I strolled through the deceptive calm of the night, my thoughts were distracted by the traumatising screams that continued to reverberate through my mind and bounce against its metaphorical walls. My head throbbed. I ran my hands through my hair and forced myself to remember, so then I could forget.

"_You're a liar!" the small girl yelled. She looked as if she could have been the ambassador for distress. She eyed me viciously, but what could I have done? Everyone knows to never retort at a woman as distraught as she looked. Her eyes continued to probe mine for answers. I had none. I couldn't even begin to formulate the questions. She paced back and forward with a searching look on her face. What was she searching for? The toxicology report had given her all the information she could have needed. Shortly after it was handed to her, she ripped it up into shreds like a lion attacking its prey._

"_A liar?" I tilted my head to the side slightly, "No Miss, I have not lied to you. You saw it there." I gestured towards the shards of paper strewn on the floor. "Your mother overdosed on sleeping pills, she was experiencing severe abdominal cramps, slowing of heart and breathing rate and she went into cardiac arrest shortly before you arrived here."_

"_How dare you! Are you getting off demeaning my mother? Do you want to rip my family apart? You are a creep, just tell me the real reas -" I held up my hand causing her to halt mid-sentence._

"_I have questions too, except now is nor the time or place; I will leave you to mourn your mother in peace."_

"_My mother is dead! She obviously wanted to leave; she doesn't care about me, you... anyone!"_

_I walked away to the sound of stifled groans and painful squealing. _

I was not going to forget. This was without a doubt the worst part of being a Doctor – the untreatable. The people who wanted nothing more than to die, disregarding their families, friends and acquaintances. As much as I tried to place myself into their shoes; as much as I tried to empathise, I just couldn't. Some invisible mental barrier prevented me from seeing into these people's minds. Nothing could ever drive me to suicide; it was the coward's way out. I was stronger than that. Dealing with the relatives was just as bad. It was the way they didn't accept what I told them, the way they screamed profanities at me, the way they degraded my status and called me a 'bad doctor' and how I had to watch tightly knit families come apart at the seams.

When I reached my snow topped car, I turned to stare at my tracks. They were solitary in the beautifully lined concrete. As if Mother Nature was forewarning me, was it cruel or kind? My eyes closed and there she was, lying dormant on the hospital bed. Her eyes rolled ominously into the back of her sockets and an everlasting expression of pain settled into her features. As I opened my eyes again I caught a glimpse of colour flash through my trail and ruin the delicate blanket. Not only did it shatter the air of peace that seemed almost plastic now, but it shattered the tiny snowflakes and sent them sweeping through the icy air.

Shaking the stray flecks from my hair, I climbed into my Mercedes and speeded home, eagerly anticipating the greeting I would receive from my wife. I ploughed through the snow that night a little recklessly, I felt uneasy. Those thoughts were pushed aside quickly as reached the drive and pulled in carefully placing myself next to Esme's car.

"Esme?" I called softly then craned my head through the door. There was no answer, so I hung my snow dusted coat in the hall and tentatively shuffled into the front room. Empty.

"Dear?" nerves coated my tone of voice and I grimaced at my ability to swiftly jump to absurd conclusions. Something was wrong, nothing too bad I told myself. But the room, it looked odd. Untouched. The two mugs of coffee from that morning were still placed upon a small stack of magazines, the deep crimson curtains were still drawn, the pillows were still scattered hastily over the dainty loveseat in the far corner of the room and even the small desk lamp was still on, hovering over a small notebook. A notebook that was not there this morning...

"Honey?" I called once more before deciding that merely peeking at this book couldn't possibly confuse the situation any more than it already was. I was anxious, but I would not let it show even though my facade was completely in vain. My hands shook slightly and my forehead creased in discomfort when I caught sight of my wife's handwriting.

"_Carlisle, _

_How can I begin to apologise for what I am about to do? I cannot. I love you so much, but sometimes love isn't enough to glue someone to this earth. I will keep this short as I know you will read this over and over until you have memorised it. For a long time now, I have wanted to die. Not because I was unhappy, but because I was happy. I feel like I have come to the point in my life where I have achieved all my goals. Don't let me hold you back, maybe one day you can get to where I am._

_Esme."_

I read that note once, twice, four times, just like she said I would. None of it made the blindest bit of sense. I didn't cry at first, I didn't even move. I was frozen in shock, stunned by the selfishness of my wife's last thoughts. It was so drastically out of character that I read it a fifth time. Then it came. The ten kilo weight that was my heart plunged and collided with my stomach causing me to drop the notebook to the floor with a clunk and double over onto my knees. I screamed. The tears came rushing from my eyes and fell onto the page before me smearing the words and mutilating my wife's beautiful script. I screamed again. Self control was violently swept from the table. There were no questions I wanted answered, even though if I wanted to, I could have devised a huge list that would have outnumbered the girl from the hospitals by a long shot. But what did questions matter? My stomach wrenched and I gasped, remembering that I still had to breathe. But I didn't want to remember. I didn't want to breathe. I wanted to die. I curled into the foetal position and rocked side to side, in hindsight, I probably resembled a psychopath. I figured that if I stayed that way for long enough, I would just be forgotten and be allowed join my wife in peace.

I awoke on my back, drenched in cold sweat and shrieking my wife's name. Slowly I became more orientated. I stood, balancing myself on the back of my desk chair. Then I did something manic. I laughed, and I couldn't stop. The latter events of the night before were a hazy blur. Even dream-like.

I made a few calculations in my head and decided that I needed some air. The cool breeze hit me like a brick to the face as I stumbled through the back door. I was surprised to find that the sky was still black and dotted with glistening stars. The moon was scarce in the sky, but bright nevertheless. It lit up my garden dimly. My eyes scanned along the gloomy horizon, and I realised that they ached at the intensity of the lights in the distance. I rubbed my temples in a soothing motion before gradually reaching my sockets. I was taken aback somewhat when I found that my eyes were cool and moist, why? I didn't recall crying, weeping, sobbing or snivelling. Removing my hands, I searched the garden questioningly and dropped my head to stare at the floor. From the corner of my vision, I saw something flash as the rays from the moon danced upon its surface. Abruptly, I span to get a better look. Approaching slowly I noticed that the light was reflecting upon some type of liquid, a liquid with a dull red tinge. Something about that image triggered an onslaught of emotion within me. One foot was pushed onward, then the other, at a sluggish pace, thus prolonging the time before feeling the inevitable amount of pain I knew I was about to endure. I was the host to an internal war. My head told me to be rational, to walk on, and to hold my head high. I wanted to do this, so desperately, but every time I agreed my heart reacted immediately and began to beat erratically. I nearly fainted from the sharp convulsions inside my chest.

Eventually, I discovered that I could not and would not stand there frozen in time and ice forever. Looking up for the first time in what felt like hours, I saw that the sky had grown pale and tiny beams of light were escaping the density of cloud that lingered a little above the highest buildings in the distance. It was at this moment that I felt ashamed of my earlier hypocrisy. Mere hours ago I ridiculed a woman I didn't know for committing suicide. Shortly after, I was wishing death on myself and barefacedly accused Esme of being selfish in taking her own life. I now see the double standards, or quadruple standards if you will. It was now obvious to me, that in those weak moments of anguish, I was the egocentric one. How could I have even contemplated deepening the gash in my family's already battered exterior? Leaving behind my children without an explanation didn't even cross my mind at the time.

As much as I didn't want to, I forced my stare to travel back to the small pool of what could only be described as blood. Except now it wasn't a dull shade of red, it was a vibrant crimson. I immediately thought of Esme's vivacious personality. I groaned words that were barely audible. They were meaningless at any rate.

"It's now or never Carlisle." I tried to comfort myself, but I didn't even recognise my own voice. Normally so full of certainty and authority, but now it was reduced to a husky whisper.

I followed the elaborate path towards the corner that concealed most of the carnage.

Beautiful even in death.

Set on her side with her face twisted into an unconceivable expression. I was bewildered at how calm I was. That must have been my closure, I remember thinking. Her eyes were shut loosely and her lips were bright red, parted softly with a trickle of dry blood stained down to her chin. Much like the way it used to be sprawled among my bed sheets, her hair was in disarray covering a side of her face. Only this time it was dampened and tainted with the blood that once gushed from the wound sat just above her right eyebrow. I didn't register anything else about the disturbing scene. I just studied her face, making sure that I has memorised all of her features perfectly. I dared myself to touch her. But the pressure that gathered inside me wasn't enough to make me succumb. I wanted our last touch to be that morning when she curled into my arms and wished me well. Who would have known?

I started patting myself in a frantic attempt to find my mobile. Soon enough it was in my hand and I was explaining my situation to a stranger on the other end of the phone. They told me five minutes. I didn't care about time, time meant absolutely nothing. I leaned against the wall of my house and sank with hands pressed over my face.

"Dr Cullen, I'm here." Announced a familiar voice some time later, to whom it belonged I didn't know. But it continued and the voice of another human soothed me, no matter how gruff. "It's okay Carlisle. Let's get you out of here and inside whilst the guys clean up this mess."

"Looks like she fell from that window up there." I heard someone conclude. It's funny that before now I didn't even wonder for a second _how _she did it. My mind was too full of _why._

Then my hand was being tugged by another, forcing me to throw myself forward almost crushing Charlie Swan. I didn't know a lot about him, except he was the Chief of Police here in Forks and he had a quaint little family consisting of himself and his daughter. I didn't know her name, but I had seen her around the hospital a lot and assumed that she was either very unlucky or helplessly clumsy. She seemed polite, courteous and warm hearted. She was an attractive woman with long dark locks that fell past her shoulders and warm chocolate eyes.

"Charlie!" I replied with more shock than I thought I had left in me. "Why are you – how did you?"

He cut me short with a cautious smile, "You called the police around 10 minutes ago remember?"

I contemplated that then looked before me and saw crowds of police and investigators swarm into my garden and glance briefly at my wife with expressions of sorrow on their faces. Of course I called the police, my wife was dead.

Charlie sat me at the dining table in the middle of the large kitchen space that Esme was captivated by when we were choosing houses some time ago. I heard the kettle boil faintly in the background and then the small knock of a mug hitting the smooth wood that I leant on.

"Thanks." I mumbled.

"I thought that a good cup of coffee would perk you up a little." He half chuckled and I exhaled noisily in response. Being perky was something I didn't plan to be in a long while, if not, ever. Unimportant awkward small talk followed, Charlie's intentions were in the right place but he was never the man to really show his emotions. After a few minutes he tapped me apologetically on the shoulder and left the room.

I pushed my coffee away, it was now cold and the glistening of the fluid in the artificial light made me ill at ease. My head slammed against the table as I gave up all resistance to gravity.

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_**A/N: **_ Reviews would really help me improve, so don't be afraid to share your opinion! Any thoughts/feelings about this chapter and where you think the story is going? Or do you have any predictions? Share! Thanks for reading.


	3. Chapter 3: Unexpected Solace

**You Will Be Mine**

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_**A/N:**__ Thanks for the reviews Zoya Zalan and RubyDragonJewel it is very much appreciated. Also thank you to the people who have added this story to their alerts and favourites. _

_This chapter sees the proper introduction of Bella, enjoy!_

_This story is rated M for a reason, I have a couple of lemons planned and some violence will be depicted throughout._

_**Disclaimer: **__The Twilight Saga totally belongs to Stephenie Meyer, however, the plot is all mine!_

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**Chapter Three: Unexpected Solace**

I heard the muffled crunch of gravel as it was flattened by tires at around six in the evening. It had been two days since the passing of my wife and I had to face my children. I specifically asked the authorities not to contact them; I had that kind of pull being a doctor. I wanted to protect the ignorance of my children a little more than what could have been deemed sane, but I was hurting and seeing them suffer as I was would have broken me into tiny little shards. Telling them over the phone was also unacceptable to me. I had to break their hearts in person, one by one. Alice arrived first.

_The weather was cool and the ground was coated in sparkling frost but the sun beat down relentlessly. The calamity of the climate was mocking. Her mother's corpse had barely been removed when I saw her dance eloquently down the drive, and although her body language seemed to match the weather – I was not fooled. She was acting. The worry lines that occasionally flashed across her mousy face gave her away. I couldn't fault her though; her perceptiveness matched or even exceeded my own. She had sensed that something was wrong from the tone I took with her on the phone. _

"_Dad!" she smiled genuinely and wrapped her tiny arms around my middle. "I can't believe it," I winced at her ironic words, "It has been so long! Too long. I'm so sorry that I haven't been able to visit before now; I've just been so caught up in life. The south is amazing! So beautiful, and I've met such a wonderful man. His name is Jasper and he is the picture of southern hospitality, he even called me 'M'am' when we first met how sweet! Oh..." she trailed off as she saw the disdain on my face. _

"_So why did you want to see me Dad?" the lines in her expression returned and her deep eyes locked into mine trying to figure me out._

"_Your mother-" I choked. Esme wasn't just my wife, she was a mother, a mother to three children who loved her too much and saw her too little._

"_Is mum okay!" _

"_Alice," I turned away from her, I was burning under the heat of her gaze. "Your mother is gone."_

_I turned back. I was instantly reminded of myself in my moments of shock. She just stood in place, her lips twitched slightly trying to form words and her eyes welling and expanding ready for the release of giant grievous tears. I felt my emotions begin to pile, but I had prepared myself for the assault. Obviously I hadn't prepared enough because waves of guilt crashed down on me, swiftly followed by anguish, doubt, hatred, love and depression. Before I knew it I was leaning on the floor with my daughters arm on my shoulder. She was comforting me. She was strong, just like Esme. _

_After she had begun to accept the horrifying news I had shared with her, I showed her the note. She read it aloud cringing at the word 'die'. Tracing her small fingers over the stains left by my bitter tears she gave me an apologetic smile. Alice had agreed to help me tell Emmett._

"_It must have been hard for you to say it out loud." She empathised after taking a long sip from her mug. There weren't words to agree with her enthusiastically enough, so I just responded with a slight nod and mirrored her actions. The amount of coffee I had consumed over the last two days was previously unimaginable; any one would have thought I had a serious caffeine addiction under any other circumstances. _

_A series of slight taps at the front door announced Emmett's arrival. He looked sceptical as I answered the door, but still patted me heavily on the back and pulled Alice into a crushing hug that should have bent her like soft metal. He looked a lot more bulky since I had last seen him a couple of years ago. We were all ecstatic when he received a sports scholarship at a top University in Florida and we hadn't seen him since he packed off as he spent his summers with his long-term girlfriend Rosalie. I had missed his great booming laugh and generally manly presence. However, I regretted that such an awful event had brought us together again because the one that bound us all together was gone, and she wasn't coming back. I strolled casually to Alice's side, trying to urge her with my pleading eyes to begin. She bit her lip and sighed as Emmett pulled away from her gently. _

"_What's going on?" Emmett got straight to the point, something was obviously wrong to him. Alice's face was stained with make-up, my normally well kempt hair was in frenzy and his mother was not there. I gave up on Alice and opened my mouth to start, but she was one step ahead of me._

"_Please Emmett, sit down. Have some biscuits," she waved her hand shakily at the tray placed on the crammed coffee table. My mouth closed slowly, trying to disguise the shock from Alice's calm tone._

_Emmett rolled his eyes, clearly not buying this terrible act. "Just out with it guys. I'm not really in the mood for bullshit." His language stunned me and I wanted to revert into angry parent mode, but what was the point? His language was sure to get worse after he heard what we had to tell him. _

"_Two days ago Dad came home," she looked at me for approval and I stared back blankly, "he found this note." she shoved the note into Emmetts unoccupied hand and continued, "Mom is dead, suicide. Emmett I'm so sorry!" the words tumbled out of her mouth clumsily._

_As his eyes scanned the note I saw that his hands began to tremble, his face became creased and he let out a soft growl. The note crumpled inside his fist and he threw it furiously at me._

"_Emmett!" Alice disciplined. _

_I merely sighed and picked up the note, placing it back on the table, watching Emmett all the while. _

"_No, no, no!" he snarled, "Mom wouldn't do this!" he violently shook his head back and forth and flicked his eyes helplessly at me then Alice. My chest burnt at the pain I had to relive. I had lost my wife once, but it felt like she had died three times. Each time the situation was re-explained to new ears and I saw the misery echoed in their eyes, the deep gash in my chest was ripped apart and left me feeling hollow all over again. It was like being punched in the gut, repeatedly. Whenever something reminded me of her, my whole body set ablaze, tears stung from my eyes and streaked down my boiling face. _

Edward explained to me that he would come the day after as he was caught up with coursework at his medical school in Dartmouth. That was fine; I would trudge through the muddy fields of depression one last time before I could keep the unbearable melancholy to myself. I knew Edward would not take the news as well as the others. Edward and his mother were extremely close; it wasn't just the typical mother-son bond. It was special, they shared everything. It was hard for him to leave for Dartmouth; it would be excruciating just to watch him get kicked in the teeth, let alone feel his pain.

The isolated slam of a car door shook my back to my senses. I braced myself and tried to remember the plan. I knew that things would get out of hand though, and that the carefully devised steps that we had prepared would be irrelevant and soon forgotten. I would greet Edward at the door; bring him into the front room where Emmett and Alice would be seated. Alice would then proceed with the matter at hand and Emmett would analyse him, keep him calm. It sounded pretty heartless, but also pretty foolproof.

It was a shame that I had never expected such a condemning reaction from my youngest child. The swift hammering at the door alerted me to take my position. Smile in place, I opened the door.

"Edward, it's wonderful to see you." I grinned, obviously too eagerly because he shot me a dark look before replying.

"Hello Father, how are things?"

"Oh fine, fine." I gulped. "Um, Alice and Emmett are in the front room if you would like to join them?" I offered rather tentatively. There was always an awkward air about my relationship with Edward. He never did give me the same respect that he gave to his Mother. I always put his extra affection towards Esme down to their special bond, but now I saw that somewhere along the line Edward had developed a grudge against me. I wasn't sure what I had done, or if I was even concerned about the issue as there were much more pressing ones at that moment. I turned. Ambling self consciously into the dimly lit room I held an expression that resembled the pure terror of a small mouse being chased by a hungry snake. Edward stalked behind me looking rather bewildered. He seated himself beside Alice, glanced momentarily around the room and grabbed a small wine filled glass from the table. The room must have changed a lot to him. The once bare navy blue walls were now a smooth cream and decorated with a vast range of paintings and wall hangings. All collected from the various holidays Esme and I had taken. Quaint Chinese crafted plates leant delicately against the wall above the fire place. The flames below whispered hideously and licked the black metal guard making it glow red in anger. As soon as I descended into my allocated space in the armchair next to Emmett, I found it increasingly hard to breathe. I wasn't scared; it was just the chaste density of the atmosphere that choked me. It was like a thick fog had wafted gently into the room and had wrapped itself around me only. I felt faint, provoking out of character incoherency and the absence of my active mind.

"Carlise!" I heard Alice's voice ring in my ear, I jerked my head swiftly to the side, but she was not there. She was still sitting across the room from me with her arms folded in irritation. My previous thoughts of zoning out throughout the bearing of bad news process were dashed. I could see Alice didn't want to do this alone. I didn't want to do this at all, but I couldn't keep my youngest child in the dark forever. As much I tried to stay present for the conversation, my broken mind couldn't help but find a distraction, anything to avoid the pain again. I was suddenly interested in the broken seam of my jumper; I tugged at the fabric softly then brushed down the fabric that encased my arm.

"...all his fault, how he just left her alone all the time. She was like a time bomb ready to go off at any moment. It's not bad enough for her that we left – for good enough reasons I may add, but he left her here in solitude. It's disgusting, how can you even stand the presence of him? How did you even put up with him without me here? Your facade was quite convincing I must say..." the cold voice briefly caught my attention. My whole body tightened in response. My eyes were shut forcefully and I was rocking back and forth with my hands pulling my hair with intense strength. I shook impossibly with the intake of breath.

"Edward," I whispered, surprised by the venom released by my shaky voice. "Are you blaming me for your Mother's suicide?" I had almost thrown up trying to push the last words out of my mouth. We stood simultaneously.

"I think we both know that you abandoned her, Father." He spat back at me, "All that precious time at the hospital 'saving lives', when you could have saved your marriage! You are a selfish man Carlisle."

"Indeed selfish I may be, but if we are going to label each other so brutally Edward, I think that the label of abandonment would fit a lot more comfortably upon your shoulders. Do you not agree?"

A sharp intake of breath and then the glass Edward was holding left his hands with amazing vigour. It smashed dramatically before my feet. Wine poured from the remains and soaked my shoes in red liquid that reflected the light repulsively. Taunting me.

Emmett's stare never left Edwards face. He didn't move an inch, the only one still sitting.

"Stop it Edward!" Alice screamed as she lunged to my side. She looked up at me with her eyes moist, on the cusp of tears, and she whimpered. Edward simply ignored her and continued on with his bitter accusations.

"Fuck off Alice. You've obviously been brainwashed to believe just what he wants. All that time at the hospital you suppose Carlisle?" his disgusting demeanour and behaviour rocked me from my position. I straightened almost immediately and stepped closer to him, studying his aggressive body language only confirmed that Edward was more than prepared to harm me.

"If you have something to say son, then I suggest you lay aside your unnecessary hysteria and just say it." I hissed. I had never lowered myself against Edwards disrespect before, but it felt right. The power within me strengthened. In some sick twisted way it felt like I was avenging my wife.

"I know that you weren't at the hospital." Edward said brusquely, contrasting almost painfully with his previous madness, "You were having an affair." he finished.

My hands clenched into fists and my face burned in fury. I knew that I was almost purple with rage. I looked at his face, into his eyes. They were masked with a thick coat of nonchalance. I wanted to shatter his disguise, rip his arrogance into unrecognisable pieces.

"You are a disgusting child Edward!" was all I could manage. So many things happened at once. I saw Edward dart forwards with his fist pulled back. Then I was facing the back of Alice. Then Alice was on the floor in a small pool of blood that mingled with the wine. Edward simply stepped over her and turned to face me. I was too confused to react. Emmett launched himself with the force of a giant bear upon Edwards more slender frame. I helped Emmett restrain Edward until he was calm, then tended to Alice's wound. Her upper cheek and eye was purple and black, stained with her brother's hatred. Both her eyes were bloodshot as tears streamed from them openly.

"I'm leaving." Edward announced some time later with the same disinterest he has invested in earlier. Emmett finally released his grasp but didn't take his eyes off his brother until he was safely outside. My head was back in my hands, I began to cry. My wife was gone and my son loathed me like the devil.

It had been a week since the violence had graced itself upon my household and everyone, everything, everywhere was tense. Alice's bruises faded, but her anxiety did not. Edward would be at the funeral, and she cried herself to sleep thinking of the atrocity that could become of the event. I would not let him make a scene I assured her. I knew deep down that he wouldn't, his presence would mark respect for his mother, not disrespect for us. These thoughts however did not succeed in soothing Alice's apprehensions. Honestly, I had trouble using them to calm myself, even as I drove from my house to the charming modest church that sat mingled in trees half way between Forks and La Push. I parked near the church and proceeded on foot with Emmett and Alice marching solemnly behind me. I wore an all black suit reflecting my dejection; my head was bowed as we crossed the busy highway without a second thought and turned down onto a narrow cobblestoned path. Framed by flowers, shrubs, trees and delicate lanterns stood the church in the near distance. I glanced behind me and saw that Alice had donned a pair of thick black sunglasses to disguise her heartache and tears and Emmett now had his hand on her shoulder brushing dust from her black shawl. He caught my eye and shook his head miserably.

The priest greeted me with a handshake at the large wooden doors and led me to the ceremony area. The room was empty; it much reflected my state of being. My life was being projected wholly into this room, empty and strewn with remnants of love. The garden was beautiful. The threatening hole in the ground was not. I rejoined Emmett and Alice inside and saw that the room was now filled. Buzzing in the chatter of people I knew, those who I didn't, those who I didn't expect to be there and most importantly those who had no right to be there. I spotted Edward sitting alone at the front of the room. I felt relieved and chuckled a little at my worries. Then I saw her. Her hair danced like flames as she tossed it back. Stood with Charlie and his daughter Bella; chatting inanely at them. She shot a look at me and caught my eye, when she noticed her stare was reciprocated, she waved at me sweetly and nodded at me. She was beckoning me to join them. I was tempted to refuse, I did not want to talk to her now of all times. But my feet brought me to her before I could deny.

"...yes well I am here for Carlisle, I didn't know Esme personally, I didn't really want to, but me and Carlisle were _very _close and I'm here to offer a shoulder if he should require one. What would he do without people like..." she cut her sentence short when she realised I was standing beside her.

"Hello Victoria, how nice of you to offer me your shoulder. Although I am reserved in using it, I appreciate the thought."

Victoria looked rather abashed; it took her a while to regain her stature. She smiled again her sweet smile and took the champagne glass in her small hands to her full lips looking up at me with her wide eyes.

"Carlisle." She replied removing her lips somewhat from the glass.

"Oh and how rude of me... hello Charlie, how nice of you to come today. Esme would have appreciated so much." I smiled.

"That's fine Carlisle, I suppose you haven't met my daughter?" he patted the young woman at his side on the shoulder and she blushed. It was cute.

"No I haven't, but I am pleased to." I grabbed her hand and brought it to my lips gently and smiled.

"Bella." She laughed at my formality.

"Carlisle, as you already know." I sighed. As I returned to my full height I saw Victoria saunter off towards one of the pews her expression was angry and it confused me.

"I think the procession will begin soon. You better take your seats." I suggested to Charlie. He walked off in the opposite direction of Victoria without a word but his daughter stayed.

"I hope you're okay, people are talking awful things about you." She said with a concerned edge to her voice.

"I'm fine." I lied. I was taken aback by the sudden grip of small arms around my waist as Bella embraced me. I felt comforted, it was better than a hug from Alice or Emmett or anyone. I felt alleviated. I pulled away.

"Thank you Bella, go find your Father." With the words she turned from me to join her father and I felt the hollowness creep up behind me and consume my body again.

I recall little from the funeral. I was there, but I was not interested in listening to the meaningless testimonials presented by people who thought they knew Esme. I was content with my own memories and I declined sharing them with anyone else. It may have been selfish, but the memories were mine and I could relish in them in the way no one else could. Instead of listening to others, I lavished myself in my recollections.

Shaken by the sound of bustling feet and the tapping of shoes on hard concrete I opened my eyes wiped my face from silent tears and followed the small crowd to the church garden.

I stood and watched all my hopes, dreams and wishes lower into the ground with the corpse of my wife. The sweet fragrance of jasmine and lilies wafted under my nose as flowers were showered around her grave. Several pats on the back denoted the departure of many to the wake back at my house.

I stayed, hoping to stay alone in my head. I sat on a small bench close to my wife's grave with my head lowered in defeat. My lap was soaked in tears that were no longer silent. I gasped for air and trembled as the cold mid-December wind abused my drenched face.

A soft hand caressed my face and then a felt a tissue wipe my face dry.

"Bella?" I blinked and my eyes stung from the acidity of my tears, "What are you doing here, you should be at the wake with everyone else."

"I didn't want you to suffer alone, you're a good guy." She sighed, "No one seems to care about you not being at your own wife's wake. I think that's pretty terrible. But look at you! You can't drive, I'll drive you there, get you some water." Her eyes were huge with concern, and I couldn't argue with her sincerity.

She grasped my arm and guided me to her truck. It tore apart the peace of the night with an obnoxious roar. She succeeded in comforting me. We soon moved on from depressing subjects and proceeded to talk more casually. She was a sweet girl and her ability to console me was extraordinary. This was the moment I knew that Bella and I would be good friends; I hoped that she realised this too. She must have, because she smiled when I informed her.

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_**A/N:**__ This chapter took me a while to write. I have been a little busy but I hope it was worth the little wait. So where do you think this is all going? Review and tell me! I want someone else's insight. Thanks for reading!_


	4. Chapter 4: Forever at Hand

**You Will Be Mine**

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_**A/N:**__ Cheers guys for the favourites and alerts. Reviews would be appreciated as then I can get an __outsider insight into the story. Enjoy!_

_Plus I'd like to thank TwilihtFanfor the in-depth review, it's nice to know what you thought worked, it made my crappy day good!_

_I'm not so sure about this chapter, I thought it was a little boring... please share your opinion!_

_This story is rated M for a reason, I have a couple of lemons planned and some violence will be depicted throughout._

_**Disclaimer: **__The Twilight Saga totally belongs to Stephenie Meyer, however, the plot is all mine!_

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**Chapter Four: ****Forever at hand**

As I lay alone in my bed the next morning I was not consumed by grief as I previously thought I would have been. I must admit that I wasn't entirely happy either. My thoughts and emotions swirled around me at an amazing pace and made my insides twist into hideous knots. I was overwhelmed by the temporary feeling of dizziness and shot up from my position. I faced the blank wall; my mind used the empty canvas as a projection screen and played the events of last night back to me. Everything was crystal clear as I had not held any desire towards the consumption of alcohol.

_This wasn't a wake. It was a god damn rave. I remember thinking a little bitterly as I arrived at my house at around nine. That may have been a slight exaggeration, but I had always thought of wakes as solemn, silent and full of people on the verge of tears. It seemed that many of Esme's friends shared her boisterous and fun-loving traits. That is without mentioning her family. Alice was far gone, stumbling aimlessly around the house, rambling about irrelevancies. No one noticed her intoxication, as they were all very much the same as her. That is except Bella and I, little Bella. She trailed inquisitively behind me, her eyes scanning every corner and crevice. The same age as my youngest, Edward and by far the most grown up in the whole building. She even rose above me as she spent most of her night assuring me that everything would be better. I just nodded in a melodramatic fashion each time and shrugged rudely. I couldn't admit that her words softened my core and eased the deeply rooted pain within me. Every time she left I saw her lying in the unmerciful snow, bloodstained and cold. I felt like poison. My down trodden mood wasn't affecting her at all as she soon slapped me playfully around the face and asked me to dance. The touch of her flesh on mine made my skin tingle in delight. She really did influence me; she made the slit in my heart shallow. _

"_Oh, I don't think I'm in any mood to be dancing Bella." I said as she tugged at my blazer mimicking a child._

"_I don't dance – ever! Carlisle, you need to cheer up." _

_If she didn't dance, then why did she want to endure it? She really wanted to look out for me. How could I refuse her kindness? Except dancing really wasn't what I wanted to do._

"_If I promise to improve my mood, will you promise we won't have to dance?" I offered._

_She hesitated, obviously measuring up the authenticity of my suggestion. I began before she could formulate a response. "Look, we can sit in my garden. It's snowing again, so it should be empty. We can talk away from all the..." I swiftly twisted my head scanning the entire room before deciding on an appropriate adjective. "...drunks."_

_She nodded and I grabbed her hand gently and steered her towards the back door. I let go as we passed through. I walked through the deepening snow, it clung the bottom of my trousers awkwardly. At the opposite end of the garden, slightly raised above the rest, was a bare bench sheltered by a thick rose bush. I sat down and waited patiently for Bella to join me. From this vantage point it was possible to look over the whole garden, it was magnificent. Even though the scenery wasn't as well kempt as I had been used to. It was almost like a protrusion of myself. I smiled a small smile at the thought._

"_What's made you smile?" Bella asked as she sat beside me, looking a little shocked. She ran her hands through her snow covered hair and shivered. Without thinking I pulled her closer to me. My arm rested on her shoulder. I expected her to shrug away; I was shocked at my actions so she must have been wary too. Instead, she wriggled closer. I pretended to ignore to prominent intimacy and continued with the conversation. _

"_Look around you Bella." I instructed. "This garden was once trimmed to the point of perfection. Every blade of grass was in proportion with its neighbour; the bush above us here was free of thorns and would have never been as thick as you see it now. The list goes on." _

"_I don't see the humour?" she looked genuinely confused. I did understand her bewilderment when I soon remembered that she did not know of me before this terrible mess. She only knew me as a broken man._

"_I feel this garden is an ample projection of me. Like a metaphor." Her expression did not change so I continued. "I had it all Bella, beautiful wife, three successful children, a satisfying career and a well-kept appearance. Now, my wife is dead, Edward blamed me for this, I don't think I can ever work again and well... look at me!" I said a little too loud. I felt myself drop into a slight hysteria, like I was drowning, and just like being pulled out of the murderous ocean by a life guard, Bella yanked my head up from her shoulder and ran her fingers through my wild hair. _

"_Shh..." she cooed at me softly, "Carlisle you are beautiful." _

_My heart began to race. I was speechless. _

"_This is an awful time for you. Who cares if your garden isn't perfect, or your appearance is a little off. You are a beautiful person and people can see that. They don't care about your slightly matted hair!" I scoffed a little at her joke and removed her hand from my hair taking it in my own._

"_Thank you Bella. I feel like I have known you all my life, but it has been mere hours. You see, I feel like I have a deep cut inside me and whenever you are near it seems to heal. Sometimes, I think it has nearly vanished until you leave. You make me happy again Bella. I need a friend like you. Please be here for me."_

_Her hand tightened around mine._

"_I'll be here whenever you need me, Carlisle." She smiled. "Except, I have to go now. It's eleven and that's the time Charlie said we were leaving. You know how he is with parties!" she winced a little and waved me goodbye as she wandered to the door._

As soon as my mind finished showing me my conversation with Bella a new wave of emotions fell on me. I was crushed under repentance and guilt. I regretted taking so much pleasure in her company. It was wrong. But I couldn't let it stop; she was the only thing apart from my children that could keep me sane. Unfortunately for me, Alice and Emmett were leaving that afternoon. Bella would soon be my only resolve. I peeked at the clock to my left. It was twelve in the afternoon, which was rather late for me. At that time I had normally been up for hours, wallowing in self misery. My once tensed muscles now felt slightly at ease. The window did not give away the time as the sky was thick with dark grey clouds floating threateningly above.

I threw on some clothes as fast as I could manage in my sleepy haze, knowing that my children would be gone soon, wanting desperately to keep them within my walls for as long as possible.

"Dad, nice of you to join us!" grinned Emmett.

"Oh stop shouting Emmett." Alice growled as she massaged her temples in agony. I laughed.

"Hangover Alice?" I teased. She simply nodded and stalked out of the room mumbling to herself. I then turned to Emmett who looked a lot better than his sister as he stormed down a massive bowl of cereal.

"What time are you leaving?" I asked a little nervous as he finished.

"Hmm, I'm not sure actually." He looked a little guilty. "You would have to ask Alice, but you know Dad, it's going to be okay."

Smiling flakily I grabbed the local paper from the table. It was soaked in orange juice, I glared mockingly at Emmett he chuckled lightly still with a culpable expression on his face.

"Nothing interesting." I sighed and tossed the newspaper to one side. Emmett soon left me alone to pack his stuff from his old room. I waited patiently in the kitchen looking glumly out the window onto the drive. As I watched the many cars speed past my house I felt myself empty. It occurred to me that this was how it was going to be from now. Watching the clock tick by as my whole self deteriorated, I played with the collar of my shirt. I had not planned to go back to work, saving the lives of others now seemed extremely unimportant as the one life I cared about the most had perished.

I watched as my children waved to me from their cars, each parting their separate ways. Divided our family was, but they were happy in their disconnection. I was not, but I wasn't about to be selfish.

A week or two passed by, Christmas decorations sprung up from all around wrapping the exterior of every house in an array of gold, green, red and silver. Heavy snow rested untouched on the ground and layered the tops of buildings like icing on a fairy cake. I still remained inside, only venturing out of the solitude of my home to buy food. I had not decorated my house. It stood out like a sore thumb next to its vibrant neighbours.

Unfortunately, it was one of those days when I had to go out to keep myself alive. I sometimes wondered why I even bothered; who or what was I living for exactly? The hospital had phoned a few times and each time I told them that I needed time. This was a lie. I didn't need time; I needed some sort of miracle. My state of being was pathetic. I scowled at my reflection in the hallway mirror as I resentfully pulled on my thick winter coat. I pushed back my hair in some half-way attempt to look presentable before gawkily heading out of my door. The intensity of the sunlight hit me hard and I squinted as I ploughed through the snow.

I drove through the dense snow down the winding country roads. The further I was displaced from my house the more uncomfortable I felt. However that was nothing compared to the overpowering feeling of exposure that hit me as I stepped out of my car into the heavy rush of the town. The air was thick with the smell of people; a smell I had become unaccustomed to. My body rejected the odour and I gagged a little as I pushed my way through the solid forest of people. My ears twanged in response to the loud buzz of enthusiastic conversation, and I moved faster desperately seeking refuge. I found it in a supermarket about ten minutes from where I had parked. I exhaled in relief as I registered that the establishment was almost deserted. I rushed around the store, absent-mindedly tossing items into my trolley, lost in my thoughts. I didn't check to see what I was buying as I frantically rushed towards the checkout. A noisy clang stopped me in my tracks and I froze. My items were displaced all over the floor combined with other random products. My heart began to race at the thought of interacting with another human being and I lifted my head from the floor. My eyes fused with hers. Deep chocolate in colour and hidden slightly beneath her wild dark hair, she smiled as she recognised me. I think I smiled to; it had been too long to remember what smiling felt like.

"Carlisle, how are you!" she chimed merrily. Too thunderstruck to react I just stood staring dumbly at her face.

"Hello? Carlisle, are you okay?" she asked, less merry now, more alarmed. I wanted to scream at her, tell her I was okay but no words could escape me. My knees caved and smacked to the ground, I became dizzy. I wobbled in my place, still unable to respond. I felt pathetic, helpless and most of all abnormal. A small crowd was beginning to form around me and I just couldn't stay silent any longer.

"I have... to get o-out of here! Leave me alone!" I cried.

Bella's expression was grave she reached a hand to me I tried to receive it, but I was unsuccessful. Then everything was black.

Dim but dazzling lights floated around me, they swirled and twirled. I tried to reach out to touch them but I could not move. They danced tauntingly, beckoning me to feel them, laughing at me as I was paralysed by their grace.

"Carlisle." They chanted fruitlessly. When they faded away momentarily I was aghast. Then they came back brighter and my eyes stung, I now saw shapes blur across my field of vision when they shuffled around me. As they continued to recite my name I became angry and tired. In one last attempt I strained my eyes and noticed that these lights and reflections were all components of a face, a beautiful face. Surprised by this discovery I tried to extend my arm once more, additionally surprised that my body responded this time. Even though it was a feeble movement it was something. The soft grasp of cool flesh met my wrist and I gasped at the contact. As the world around me began to sharpen and materialise I realised that I was in a small room foreign to me. The window was masked with thin purple curtains and didn't hide the intensity of the stars dotted across the dark sky. Looking around the room with my reinstated vision, I noted the deep oak floorboards, the small wardrobe in the corner of the room and the petite girl sitting on the edge of the bed where I lay, with her hand wrapped around my wrist. She drummed her fingers onto my skin and flicked her dark hair from her face revealing the worried expression in her profound eyes. She pulled me up with a frustrated groan, and although she steadied me with her hand on my lower back I began to feel faint and my head flopped from my shoulders and rested on hers. She strained a laugh and hauled my head back up gently.

"You're a mess." She said quietly. I wanted to be funny and retort, I wanted to lighten the mood and relapse back into our simple friendship. Somehow I knew not to; it must have been the maddened appearance she presented to me.

"I know." I replied. That was all I could have managed at that time.

"You scared me, one minute I was entering the store, then I saw you running like a maniac towards the counters and you smashed right into me!" she half laughed, "I thought you were playing some sort of joke. But when I tried to talk to you, you turned into a zombie and just stared at me like I was the weirdo!" she let go of my hand and her eyes were not sad anymore, they were furious and scared. "I was so angry! But then... you just blacked out, you fell into your trolley! I wanted to laugh, but then I realised that you were completely unconscious. I took you to the hospital and they said that you would be okay if rested. I was a bit sceptical, but here you are..." I raised an eyebrow at her, "...in my room." She finished.

"Oh Bella, I don't know what I would do if I didn-"

"Be quiet Carlisle, you need to rest. But before you do I need to ask you a question." She bit her lip and it sent a surge of desire down my spine. I was disgusted at myself. "Why didn't you come to visit me?" she blurted out, "I mean like this past week and a bit I haven't seen you at all!"

I wish I had been confused, but I knew why she had asked this. I had told her that she temporarily made me feel whole, and then completely disappeared. She must have thought that I was some kind of psychopathic freak. I suppose I was. If anything I was at least a little agoraphobic. I scoffed at myself, seeing humour for the first time in days. I was very agoraphobic. Soon realising that Bella was still staring at me I faltered a little.

"Well..." she spat bitterly.

"I'm afraid to leave." I confessed, "Even being here, in your room, makes me on edge. I just want to be home where I can immerse myself in her... and I don't want to forget."

"Carlisle you are mad." She stated and shook her head glumly, "Are you even at work?"

My lack of response must have screamed "NO!" at her as she turned away from me in haste.

"You fool! It's your passion; your whole self Carlisle is deteriorating! I can't even look at you; you're just disgusting to me right now."

"Bella, please." I begged her; my eyes were stinging as I fought back the tears. I failed and they flowed from me freely splattering my shame all over her bed sheets. My head soon followed their path and I heard my breath muffle against the warmth of her covers.

A minute or two, and soft lips brushed my moist cheek.

"I'm sorry." Equally soft words were whispered into my ear.

I nodded still buried in the quilt; silence descended uneasily upon us and I stiffened under the tension.

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_**A/N:**__ Thanks for reading. I'd love to hear your opinions on where you think this is going. There are plenty of twists and turns and the story gets a bit more exciting from here I assure you! _


	5. Chapter 5: Ulterior Motives

**You Will Be Mine**

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_**A/N:**__ Thanks for the support and reviews from certain readers :D_

_Here's some more Victoria for you to hate on. Bit nervous as to the reaction for this chapter. _

_This story is rated M for a reason, I have a couple of lemons planned and some violence will be depicted throughout._

_**Disclaimer: **__The Twilight Saga totally belongs to Stephenie Meyer, however, the plot is all mine!_

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**Chapter Five: Ulterior Motives **

The door slammed callously behind me as I dashed from the Swan's small house. It soon dawned on me that I wasn't well acquainted with this particular corner of Forks. I tugged at my hair in raw frustration; it was sopping wet as the fragile snow from the morning was replaced by a heavy dumping of harsh rain. I searched for my car, though I knew it was not there. How did she expect me to get home and where exactly was my car? More questions, hadn't I fashioned enough tonight to last me a life time? I sensed her presence even though her approach was soundless; it reinforced my theory that she was superhuman. Spinning round to see her I tripped a little in my haste. Looking at her face triggered memories that were barely half an hour old.

_I had looked into her eyes for what seemed like hours. Her relentless compassion was unfathomable. _

"_Just go back to work Carlisle, it will help. Even if it is just to distract you from the pain. What else can you do? There is no way I am letting you mope around like a sad teenage girl, you can go back to work and then in the evenings I can help you keep your mind of things. I can't even begin to relate to your pain Carlisle, I don't even know if I want to. But I do know for sure that I will be here for you no matter what because even though our friendship is brief, you need me and I need you. In ways you could not understand."_

_My mind was overflowing with her words, trying to comprehend them, trying to comprehend her. Impossible! I was foolish to think I could have, this girl was too complex under any comparison._

"_It's just as well I return there are people who need me at the hospital, I cannot let others perish due to my selfish nature."_

_Sighing at first then wrapping me in her arms, shortly after she whispered sweet words into my ear. _

"_I'm so proud of you." She smiled affectionately._

_I didn't quite know how to respond to the intimacy of the situation. My psyche was host to a war and it raged vehemently with no regard to the wellbeing of my mentality. Part of me wanted to curl up with her and ravish her in ways I thought I had forgotten; the other part spat at the very idea and filled me with pictures of Esme and myself in happiness, making me nearly vomit at the idea of taking Bella. _

"_Thank you Bella." I squeezed her tighter and she lifted her head to mine in response. I searched her eyes but what I found I did not like. I saw myself reflected in them, as normal, but I also saw my wife next to me bearing a huge grin. Jerking my face away from hers as quickly as possible I leapt from the bed, grabbed my things and sprinted for the door._

What the fuck. The words 'get me away from here' chorused inside me overpowering any speech I might have heard from Bella's moving lips. I helplessly looked about me, for what I didn't know. Probably just to escape her intense glare.

"What the fuck Carlisle!" she screamed. The voice in my head overlapped with hers. I did not reply, what could I have said? Perhaps something that pronounced the full scale of my insanity that would be great. I had to smooth this over however; otherwise I would regress back to my zombie-like state. That was a place I didn't want to be anymore, moving on would be hard but the notion had been accepted by me now.

"I apologise Bella." I breathed and gathered my thoughts, taking a few seconds to calm down and glaze over the images that haunted the back of my mind. "I really do. Please refrain from being angry with me, I did not wish to hurt you. Especially as you do so much for me. My problem lies with our intimacy; I cannot handle that at this present moment. I hope you understand, I will ring the hospital in the morning and resume my normal shifts. Now if you would like, can you please inform me as to the location of my car?"

Clearly taken aback by my formality, she fumbled in her pocket and revealed a set of keys.

"I will drive you home, if that is quite alright? I left your car there after your attack earlier today. That's good news about the hospital." She mimicked my tone but was unable to hide the coldness in her voice.

Our relationship was obviously not remedied as I had planned. I jumped into her truck next to her and hummed ineptly to the strange song on the radio.

"Will you shut up?" She snapped rhetorically.

I frowned at her still crumbling performance as she swerved carelessly around a sharp corner.

"I did apologise." I reminded her.

"I know." She sighed, "I'm the one who should be sorry actually. I was inappropriate. Friends?" she grimaced ever so slightly at the word, so small she probably didn't realise it herself. I was yet to decipher the reactions meaning.

"Of course we are."

She waved me goodbye enthusiastically, but there was a hint of defeat in her act. I was dropped outside my house. Once my sanctuary, I now cursed its existence indignantly. I walked sullenly towards the front door and crashed out before I even reached my bed.

-x-x-x

The sunlight burned at my closed eyelids, but for the first time in days I welcomed it openly. I felt the warmth wash over my body in calm luscious waves. Yawning gently and opening my eyes I saw that I was on the floor, stretching and experiencing small convulsions in my back confirmed that I had indeed spent the night on the hard tiles of my bathroom floor.

I rummaged around for my phone that I had disregarded previously. When I found it cosily nestled between the cushions on my sofa I realised that I didn't even know the date. I was shocked to find that it was the twenty-third of December; I laughed at my disorientation in an attempt to dishevel my anxiety. Temporarily brushing my thoughts aside, I began to dial the number for the Hospital. However, I was interrupted mid-number by the high sing song of my mobile accompanied by the soft buzzing that tickled my hands.

"Oh hello Alice," I greeted her merrily.

"Erm, Hi." She replied awkwardly sensing my drastic change in manner.

"Sorry, it's just you were interrupting me calling the hospital."

"Shit! What's wrong, what have you done? Dad!"

"Nothing," I chuckled. "I am going to back to work."

A discomfited pause followed, I coughed lightly and waited. "Are you sure?" she finally asked, concern weaved throughout her voice.

"Positive. I don't have time to explain but-"

"Dad I'm coming over."

"Alice it's hardly a five minute drive!" I attempted my sternest parent speech, failing.

"I don't care, I was coming up anyway. For Christmas! See you then." She hung up abruptly.

A little dazed from the short-lived and hasty conversation I stared at the screen for a while before remembering why I had picked the phone up in the first place. I resumed dialling the number and was swiftly connected with the hospital receptionist. A voice I did not recognise answered, but even that did not faze me.

"So, can you resume immediately Dr Cullen?" the woman asked.

"Yes, the sooner the better I think. Just tell Dr Simmons that I will be in at half eleven."

"Okay Dr Cullen. Goodbye."

Elation rolled through me. It tumbled down harder and faster than the guilt and anguish I had suffered weeks ago. The idea of pain was almost laughable as I pulled on my white coat and brushed dust of the shoulders coolly.

I strolled down the halls recommencing the routine I had long thought dead. My fingertips brushed affectionately across the pale green walls as I strolled indifferently towards my office. Other than the occasional look saturated with pity, it was like I had never left. My colleagues still greeted me with respect and kindness, the patients still looked up to me in an endearing way and Victoria was still hanging around like a horrible rash.

She reflected my exultation like a mirror when she bumped straight into me just outside my office.

"Victoria!" even for this woman I couldn't muster a discontented demeanour.

"Hello Carlisle I haven't seen you since well, you know." She touched my shoulder lightly.

"Hm yes. So what brings you here this time?"

"A check up, but I have just finished and I was about to leave. Do you have time to chat?" she questioned. I knew she was lying as people who want to leave a hospital normally head in the direction of the exits, not hang outside the offices. Her explanation was also strange as she was dressed in a tightly fitted black dress that fell to just above her knee. Hardly check up attire.

"Sure."

I beckoned her to follow me inside. The soft clap of her heels on the wooden floor was paced and calming in contrast to the normal omniscient aura I had become accustomed to.

"By chat, what did you have in mind Victoria?"

"Well, I had heard about your little incident at the supermarket." _Hadn't everyone?_

"Oh yes, well I suppose you could label that occurrence a turning point of sorts." I smiled forgetting my weakness.

"I know how you feel Carlisle."

"Dr Cullen. No one knows the extent of my pain Victoria."

She stood behind me and edged her body so it pressed softly against mine. Her breath on my neck made me shiver slightly, "I have lost too." She whispered.

"I did not know." I sympathised, yanking my body from her grasp and turning towards her, "How about lunch?"

I suggested lunch as a mere conversation changer, however she took to the idea eagerly and dashed out of my office before we could even decide where we were going. I wished I had not recommended lunch; as she brainstormed the names of restaurants to me I remembered all her sickening plots and ploys that always ended in her frustration and rejection. Her appeal to me was zero and although her exterior was similar to that of Esme's, her interior was in great distinction. I was ashamed of my nosey nature as I was interested as to hearing about Victoria's loss. But perhaps I just wanted to confirm that my feelings were normal and that I was not the only one grieving in the world. Never mind my motives; we arrived at the destination and my swift actions would now reveal their consequences.

There was a petite garden surrounding the cottage like building. Ivy clung to walls and rose bushes climbed elegantly swirling like tresses around the brick barrier that bordered the restaurant. I had absolutely no idea where I was, but it was breathtaking and I didn't want to leave.

"Where are we?"

"You have never been here? It is an old place owned by a local family, been here for years and years." She explained.

"Yes, well I am not _that _old." I joked and followed Victoria down the winding path absorbing every inch of beauty that I was nestled in. It wasn't long before she halted a couple of metres before the door.

"Victoria what are you doing?" My mystification was justified and prolonged as she just stood there blocking my way "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," she replied a little flustered but seemingly regaining sanity, "just remembered something."

"Would you take heed to share your remembrance with me?"

This time a reply was not given even after several minutes. After the voyage she underwent deep inside her mind, she returned to me and resumed down the path towards a quaint light wooden door. She ran her fingers down the flat surface before knocking gently three times.

"Hello?" an older voice twittered through the wall.

"It's Victoria." She announced her name like she owned the place.

"Oh Victoria!" the door flung open maddeningly and slammed against the stone walls of the cottage, "I have missed you so, you know it wouldn't hurt you to come see Grandma more often!" she cooed.

Realisation dawned. Grandma's house, typical Victoria. She was trying to drag me into the dangerous area of meeting her family and becoming familiar with her home and businesses, no doubt trying to impress me. I shuddered and shrunk back from where I was standing.

"And who is this handsome _man._" She said as she scanned me starting at my face and working her way down from my torso and resting at my crotch for a moment. Repulsion. Her stare mimicked Victoria's exactly as she frequently stared at me with those same eyes. She had to get it from somewhere, a family of sexual predators.

"Hello, I'm Dr Cullen. But you may address me as Carlisle it's nice to meet you."

"Oh you can pick them sweetie!" she squealed like a child at Victoria and winked at me derogatorily. Another shudder escaped me, "Oh look he's cold, please come in dears! Lunch? I assumed so! Let me get you two a table at the back of the restaurant."

I sighed when my gaze met the table that I was destined to share with her.

-x-x-x

Several glasses of wine later and my mood was slightly lifted even though a thin haze clouded my vision.

"More wine?" the old woman asked, I'm pretty sure I disliked her.

"That would be brilliant." I laughed. Wine at lunch! Who knew?

"Hm Carlisle, are you finished yet. I wanted to have a talk remember?" Victoria said and raised her eyebrow questioningly.

"Oh of course." The little part of my mind that was still sober pushed its way forward. I did remember that I wanted to have this discussion, "Go ahead."

"I said I have lost too..." she began but soon stopped. I smiled encouragingly. "I have not been married like you, although I did have a boyfriend for several years. In fact, he was my fiancé." Moisture was starting to build in her eyes and formed a thin film over them. "His name was James. He was my everything and I lived for him. Never leaving each other's side. Inseparable, always. Well I thought always. James was attacked, brutally. A gang, a huge gang of crazy drug addicts. I don't know all the details, and I don't want to know and I certainly would never share them." The tone of her voice became frantic and desperate.

"Shh." I grabbed her hand and turned it several times in mine. Before I knew what I was doing I brought it to my lips and pressed them gently against her flushed skin. She brushed her wild hair from her face, and I compared her to Esme again. The deep red locks that twisted elegantly were almost identical and that brought me great pleasure. It was like seeing her all over again. Was it the resemblance or the alcohol? Hindsight would've given me the opportunity to say a combination of the two.

Removing her hand to brush the tears from her face, she kept her dark eyes locked on mine. I couldn't help but return the gaze. The intensity of her stare pierced through the fog that began to cloud my brain once more. She stood and I found myself following. The little part left of my conscious mind was screaming at me and begging for my attention but I ignored. She felt the same as me, alone. I had a new found respect for her, but I did not linger on that for long. I wasn't given a chance to.

At the top of the stairs she dragged me roughly from the hall into a small room alight with delightfully smelling candles. I inhaled and the fullness in my lungs made me feel dizzy. I finished the last glass of wine and placed it as carefully as I could onto the dresser. The black number that clung to her body in a suggestive way I hadn't really perceived earlier fell to the floor and I froze. Her slender curves were beautiful. She dropped to the floor and crawled to me like a jungle cat.

"Take me." she said and tears still twinkled in her eyes. I tried to refuse with all my might, but the sight of her half exposed made my dick spring to life after its hibernation.

I was not normally a man to think with his penis, in fact I wasn't thinking at all when I grabbed her face with vigour and pulled her up to me.

"I will."

I kissed her with a drunken passion and she quivered in arousal. Pushing her back closer to me so she could feel me throb against her I laughed at her moan. She clawed fiercely at my chest and I responded by removing my shirt and throwing it carelessly aside. She then proceeded downwards, licking from the corner of my lips down below my bellybutton creating a smooth trail of glistening flesh. I smiled stupidly and she yanked down my trousers and boxers and licked her lips at the sight of my erection.

I gasped loudly as she took the full length of me into her mouth, and then placed a hand on the back of her head to encourage her. Looking up at me and smiling with her eyes as I thrust gently into her mouth she began to lick the tip of my cock. My orgasm was building too quickly so pushed her hurriedly onto the bed behind us. She sat up slightly and removed her bra looking at me seductively. Biting my lip I hovered over her and lowered myself onto her nipple sucking it gently. She squirmed helplessly underneath me as I held her down with a firm hand on her stomach.

"Let me taste your pussy." It wasn't a question. She whimpered softly when I removed my hand from her stomach, pulled down her tiny panties and slid two fingers inside her moist walls. I kissed her lips before descending to join my hand. She smelt like her general performance, overpoweringly sweet. I lapped at her in time with the thrusts of my fingers. I could feel her begin to tense around me so I withdrew and licked her residue from my fingers.

"Uh," she lifted her hips revealing her glossy pussy to me again. "Fuck me! Please Carlisle."

The way she begged me made it impossible to refuse. I pushed into her forcefully, regarding only my pleasure. With each thrust I gained more momentum and Victoria began to scream as I tore into her.

"Oh God." Was all she could muster as she squeezed around my cock releasing her tension.

The extra friction brought me to my release and I collapsed next to her.

* * *

_**A/N: **__How deep does your hatred now run? What do you think are the motives behind each characters actions? What is Carlisle going to do next? And, how do you think this all fits in the big picture? Thanks for reading._


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